Grounded in scholarly literature and accented by a postmodernist wink, this radio play explores social, economic, cultural and ultimately moral issues around living in a petroculture, and communicating about the environment in the massive shadow of the world’s third-largest source of oil and perhaps its largest industrial project, Alberta’s bituminous (‘bit’-) sands. The play was performed at a featured public event at the 2016 Congress of the Humanities and Social Sciences in Calgary.